i don't do relationships

i don't do relationships
especially in the summertime, when heat is a constant tag-a-long
a third wheel reminder that nothing
is pretty all the time, but you
you walked into that room like the whole building must have been designed just so that room could be built and used just so you could someday walk into it
like you wrote the back story, and me?
i've never had that kind of presence.
so when we ended up outside on that hottest summer night
your arms around me like you didn't care i was sweating
licking summer off my neck like it was put there just for you
no one was more confused than i was.
i don't do relationships.
you said you didn't either we gladly shed society's ambitions
of a one night stand turned holy in the presence of a ring
still carrying remnants of lives purchased for pennies a day
i don't do relationships.

two days later we were surprised to find we still liked each other
somehow avoiding the battle we so carefully set up for
i swear you'll lose interest first. they always do.
two weeks later, i still love the way you feel inside me
the bruises you leave when you kiss me because you just
can't
let go. your hand wrapped in my hair
in an effort to release any shards of the careful style i collected myself into
wrapped in my hair so when i leave this room
the whole world knows i just got fucked but i also
like the way your hand rests easy on my hip when we're walking
the way you kiss my forehead even when i'm sweating
even when it's not sexy
and i know i told you i hated gentle, but i was lying
what i meant was i hate pretending, and that's all i've ever gotten
what i meant was i don't believe in caring
inviting heartbreak like you have one to spare in the back somewhere and
i don't believe in love, because it's only ever used me
to get to someone else.

two weeks from now, i still want your arms around me
even if i know that in two weeks more you'll leave me broken
it's worth it
because right now, i'm sweating your scent into jars for safekeeping
rubbed off on my skin from when we tried to fuck and ended up making love
and i know i'll still want it years from now
when we've both changed lovers and scents so often you're only a poem
whispering through my head on hot summer nights when the air
doesn't move
spreads itself thick over my skin in hopes you'll come back to kiss it off
two years from now
i hope you still remember the way your face lit up when i said i liked you back
shuffled shy across pavement so sun ridden it must be melting beneath us
cause it feels like i can't walk fast enough
and i'm scared i won't keep up with you
ten years from now
i hope i still remember the way your eyes crease when you're laughing
which is always
i hope i still remember the way you reached for the back of my neck
and didn't flinch in the obvious presence of august
the way you looked in my eyes before the first time you kissed me

i don't do relationships
especially in the summertime
but if rain has the secret to break the power of heat lightning
maybe mid-august sweat can dampen the edges of our histories
calm the lightning dancing between wanting you
and wanting to be hurt again just to justify my warnings
i don't do relationships.
but i want to wake up next to you
and kiss you before you brush your teeth
just to prove it doesn't matter.
i want to drive all night to spend an hour at your side and drive home again
just so i can do it again tomorrow
sleep in your shirt so i can wake up in the morning
and think that you're there
i don't do relationships, but this time
i want to.